Funny short dating jokes

28-Oct-2017 23:46

" -Jerry Seinfeld "If two wrongs don't make a right, try three." -Laurence J. I didn't want to interrupt her." -Rodney Dangerfield "I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens." -Woody Allen "Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot." -Groucho Marx "Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance? " -Jean Kerr "I’ve been getting into astronomy, so I installed a skylight.

" -Phyllis Diller "I’m tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep.

Other jokes to make the top 20 include a string of brilliant one-liners - and digs at wives, husbands, blondes and foreigners.

A quarter-century after his death comedy hero Tommy Cooper makes a strong showing in the list, which also includes gags by Peter Kay, Lee Evans and Canadian comic Stuart Francis.1. The bus driver says: 'Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!

I don't always procrastinate, but when I do, I'll do it tomorrow. Everyone can see it, but only you can truly feel it's warmth. And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party." -Ron White "Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday." -Don Marquis "Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone." -Anthony Burgess "A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often." -Oliver Herford "When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did–in his sleep.

Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car." -Bob Monkhouse "At what age do you think it's appropriate to tell a highway it's adopted?

funny short dating jokes-70

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Going to Mc Donald's for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug. Saw some footage of polar bears drinking water today. Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. If I die in my sleep, at least I can actually say that I died doing what I loved. If your boyfriend remembers your eye color after the first date, then you probably have small boobs. No matter how smart you are you can never convince someone stupid that they are stupid. If you bring a gun to the pharmacy, you can get drugs without a doctor's prescription. Girls Fall in love with what they hear, and guys fall in love with what they see. I named my dog "5 miles", so I can tell people I walk 5 miles every day. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2? I pushed those to the last page so that those of you who aren’t as “free spirited” as someone like me can skip them if you like.